I’ve teetered back and forth with my Cali sobriety all year. I don’t drink during the week, really ever, and if I am drinking at all it’s generally because there’s one singular end goal- to get drunk. I was raised in a culture of binge drinking- where overconsumption was (& is) the norm, and social connection and alcohol go hand in hand. After living in California for 8 and half years, I can confidently say the Midwest does it DIFFERENT.
More than anything, it’s the recognition of the normalized and habitual overconsumption (in a party environment) that requires my attention. I’m really trying to focus on the way I approach drinking moving forward, and reframe my relationship with it as I grow further into my health journey and prioritize my goals.
The first, most obvious shift (without alcohol) is the mental clarity and energy. Waking up on Monday and getting after it and into the workflow is so easy. Not feeling depleted of energy, drive, or focus, just settling in as if I never left the flow state. And I think that’s a big part of it, because you’re not giving that life force energy away, you don’t have to work so hard just to get it back to baseline. I do believe that drinking lowers your frequency, and it’s in a state like this where you can so clearly see that it’s true.
Secondly— my skin— looks so amazing. Glowing, hydrated and blemish-free. That’s the hard part about a bender- the unhealthy eating will inevitably follow. And for me, when I get off track with my diet, unfortunately my hormones and skin are instantly affected.
I’ve begun to realize that becoming the highest version of myself is being held back by overindulgent behaviors, instant gratification and the desire to “get some shit out of my system.” Don’t get me wrong- I’ve always been the life of the party and I always will be. In simplest of explanations: I love to have fun— what is life without it? We were put here on this earth to connect with others, participate in energetic exchanges, feel deeply, and celebrate the fact that we simply exist. I truly feel that I experience all of that on the greatest level when I am out, dancing, enjoying music and socializing with new people who share the same interests.
Clubbing, dancing, raving, whatever you wanna call it- goes hand in hand with drinking and recreational drug culture. This we know. I’ll be a raver till I’m in the grave baby, trust and believe! Drugs and alcohol aside, why does this culture give me so much? Because vibing to music, connecting with others and dancing is spiritual- it offers a sense of community and connectedness in a safe space where we’re all the same. Not one person is more of anything than the other, everybody is simply there to live life, enjoy the music and experience what makes them feel alive. Do drugs and alcohol amplify that experience? Yes, of course, but I love it so much this is the type of thing I can and aim to do sober. Or just stoned:)
When I go through periods of absolutely no drinking, the longer I don’t drink, the more I don’t want to at all. Chasing a buzz or wanting to let loose- it’s a feeling I’m realizing is completely controllable with my own willpower and not something that I need to give into on a routine basis. I get so much more from my wellness practice: fitness, spirituality, diet and hobbies that ground me, help me cultivate more high-frequency power, instead of losing it. Obviously I will have my escapades— whether that’s once a month, once every 2 months or maybe just a few weeks of the year, I am confident I will find the balance of knowing when to let my hair down and give in to the party diva life, or stay in my studio and work on all the things that keep CannabisCarol progressing forward.
It is all about the balance, and up until this year, I’d been far too imbalanced for too long. At the beginning of the year, a reiki healer told me “you’re really imbalanced.” This heavily struck a chord. I’d been searching, trying to find discipline, stability and routine for the past 2 years, lacking motivation and direction. Well, I finally found it. 2022 was like sitting in a pressure cooker— professionally, personally, emotionally and financially. And while I was down on myself many times for not knowing how to get further at the time, I can see now that it was all a part of the process that had to unfold exactly as it did to bring me where I am now. Admittedly- I was going off the rails and partying much, much more than I was working. My lack of work actually drove me to party, and the directionless feeling only fueled that more. As time went on, I began to realize that the partying was more a means of numbing and distracting oneself than anything else. Distracting myself from doing the work, that is, the self work, the professional work and the shadow work.
That being said- having started my own business, launching my cannabis and lifestyle brand and fully committing to my pursuits as a license holder and entrepreneur in the cannabis & psychedelic space, there’s just no room to continue my drinking habits the way they have persisted the past 10 years. I don’t want to spend another year of my life doing the exact same things. I want to continue to grow and expand on a level I never thought possible, and that’s going to require putting myself in situations and environments that are new and maybe even uncomfortable at times. I welcome that and am eager for it.
When I put it into perspective on that level, it is shocking for me to realize that I truly have been binge drinking for 10 years. These behaviors around alcohol are habits, and habits formed over a long period of time take conscious effort to change. It’s a make it or break it moment of discipline, instant gratification and focus for me— do you want your career as badly as you want to have fun with your friends? Can you have both? Are there other ways to have fun with your friends? Why does having fun always have to involve alcohol— let alone, binge drinking?
Short answer: I can have both and I can have fun without alcohol. There are so many other substances that give me more than alcohol even does, anyway. So why are we stuck in this loop? The normalized culture of binge drinking and alcohol abuse in Western society is truthfully terrifying. We’ve been brainwashed to believe THIS is the only way to socialize. THIS is the best way, and only legal way, to have fun. That THIS is what “fun” should and does look like at a party. That meeting for drinks and looking forward to getting drunk every weekend is how we should catch up with one another. Culturally, we need to acknowledge that this is unhealthy and regressive.
I refuse to let this continue to be the pattern in my social life, because I want to look forward to my Monday-Friday just as much as I look forward to my Saturday and Sunday. I want to build a life that I don’t desire to “escape” from, but rather, celebrate daily. So here’s to more self-discipline, balance, inner work, health and professional and spiritual acceleration.